Little Pieces of You
by Monisse
Summary: This is a collection of one-shot stories, of any length, about the life of Jo and Alex. Chapter 6 - With the heart outside my chest - Alex goes a little overprotective when Jo becomes pregnant.
1. Little Pieces of You

**Title:** Little pieces of you  
 **Pairing:** Jo / Alex  
 **Rating:** T  
 **Basis:** Grey's Anatomy Season 14, Episode 2

I finally caved in and wrote a Jolex story. I should be writing patent applications, but instead I'm writing fanfiction. This episode needed a serious follow up to Jo and Alex's reconciliation kiss.

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There was no movement in the apartment, except from two entwined bodies across the bed sheets. Moans and screams gradually subsided, and in the end only their rapid breathing filled the air around. The room was dimly lit as the only source of light came from the moonlight that shone through the nearby window.  
He hovered above her, not moving from the warm cradle between her legs. It had been so long since that complete elation of being wrapped in her that he wanted to cherish every moment his skin was in contact with hers.

"I've missed this." She whispered in between labored breathing.

Deep down a small part of her, the part that was not clouded by the ghosts of the past, knew it was only a matter of time before they were back together. She just had to find a way to dissociate the image of a wildly violent Alex from her own kind, gentle, and occasionally cranky, Alex. As time passed by the pieces fell into place, people said the right words, and soon the need for him was overwhelming. When he finally expressed genuine concern that she might fear him, those words had been the much needed catalyst. Controlling herself was no longer an option. That lack of control, completely intentional, had led them to a couch. Then to the one she bought for him, this time only to talk, and promptly to their bed once words were no longer enough.

"Hmhmm" The sound was mumbled and rumbled deep in his throat, while his lips traveled softly across the warm skin of her shoulder.  
"Was it better than Glasses?" He snickered and in doing so she felt the muscles of his stomach contract with barely contained laughter against her own abdomen. He would not let it go anytime soon.

The slight afterglow began to burn into a deep blush on her cheeks. And yet, though embarrassed as she was, the reaction did not seem as if he was angry at her, rather it felt like he was amused by it. Maybe a little too much.

"Oh, Alex..." She groaned in annoyance while hiding her face in his neck, somewhat ashamed. "It didn't mean anything! Are you going to laugh about it for the rest of our lives?"

"Maybe…." He offered slowly.

From the hiding spot she could not see his face, but instead could feel his lips turn into a grin as they dropped small kisses on her own neck. At his persistent mockery, she gathered her courage to finally ask the question that had been in her mind for a while.

"Alright, funny man," Her light brown eyes looked straight into his. "how many women did you slept with while we were apart?"

"None." He said proudly, smug lopsided smile and all.

She had been prepared for anything, except that, after all they had been apart for months, and knew perfectly well that, before her, he used sex as a diversion from his own emotional distress.  
"What?" The surprise evident in the high pitch of her voice. Even though she could not blame him, she secretly hoped he had not fallen into old, careless, behavior.

"I didn't want anyone else but you, Jo. Somehow, even thinking about it didn't seem right." The sincerity in his voice made her heart race. He was so close, their bodies nearly melted into each other, that she was sure he could feel her heartbeat through his own skin. After seeing so many little pieces of him, like the rough, angry, annoyed, passionate, and kind, without fail, she was always taken by surprise at his pure love for her. Again, it screamed loudly of her lack of confidence that someone could care for her deeply, even after so many years of experiencing the deepest, most passionate love she ever had.

"For a while I doubted you would forgive me, and even then I still didn't want anyone else. Then," He paused, recalling the memory. "There was a moment when all hope came back."

"What was it?" She whispered as if afraid to break the serene atmosphere that had enveloped them.

"That night you knocked on my door and hugged me." His lips moved softly against hers while whispering the words.

"How come that was the moment?"

"I may be messed up, piling up mistakes after mistakes, but there is one thing I know how to do right. I know how to read you very well. Your eyes and your embrace that night told me everything I needed to know. And I had needed it for a long time."

He remembered that night vividly. He had been laying on a borrowed bed once again with that disturbing loneliness, and wondered how his life had been about to be over, and only by a stroke of luck was he saved.

He had been ready to plead guilty if it meant she would not be forced to publicly share that carefully kept secret. The complete terror in her eyes as she relayed to him, with barely held tears, how she had been abused and fled fearing for her life, was enough for him to completely change his mind and put himself into the hands of whatever deserved justice. In that moment, the doorbell had rang through his thoughts and insistent knocking begged for his attention at the door. Whomever he had been expecting on the other side, it certainly had not been her emotionally exhausted self.

She looked small, completely engulfed in the oversized coat, with so much desolation and heartbreak etched into her face that all he wanted to do was hold her and whisper that everything was going to be alright. However, he was still very much aware of how irrationally he had behaved with her, again, and any sudden movements might be enough for her to flee. Instead, he slowly crossed the small distance between them, as one would do in the presence of a scared or wounded animal, and stopped right in front of her, expecting her next move.

She kept looking at him, her light-brown eyes were open wide and on the brink of fresh tears. She had cried recently, that much had been evident. And then, she did something he had been longing for. She made the move forward and her arms embraced him tightly. It took a few seconds for his body to adjust to what was no longer a regular occurrence between them. Feeling the warmth of her body against him washed away the tension in his, and at their own volition, his arms surrounded her smaller frame, holding just as tightly. Out of habit, he hid his face in her neck, inhaling deeply. Oh how he had missed her scent, courtesy of that flowery lotion she kept in the bathroom they used to share. He had also missed the softness of her as well. Seconds ticked away, but in his mind time had not been relevant anymore. Her embrace had been tight in the beginning, but had gradually tighten. Her hands pulled him impossibly closed as if to physically erase the emotional distance that still resided between them. And just as sudden as it had started, she pulled away leaving a gap of freezing weather in between. He had immediately missed her touch. Once more her eyes had locked with his, her mouth moved but no words came out. Somehow they were not necessary, for in her eyes he had seen everything he needed.

The memory vanished but there she was, beneath him, skin against skin.

"In your eyes I saw relief, gratitude and above all, in your embrace I felt love."

His voice was low and deep, the kind of timbre that usually soothed her in the worst times, and melted her heart in the best. All the while, his brown eyes, so filled with emotion, never left hers. He was not often good at translating feelings into words, in fact that inability had been a hindrance through his whole life, but right now, in the dawn of their reconciliation, it was imperative to speak up and mend the mess created.

Now, it was incredibly gratifying to know he had not lost hope on her, but all the words she wanted to say seemed stuck in the knot that had formed in her throat. Any single attempt to talk was sure to unlock an embarrassing stream of tears. She had cried for months on end, until she was sure it would be physically impossible to shed any more tears. Yet again, it only took a stream of love laced words from him to evaporate the last remnants of that heartache she carried around for months. Those tears were of joy, and at last, she finally felt that their relationship, albeit still fragile, would begin to heal.

Instead of talking, she allowed herself to delicately caress his face, and brought her lips onto his hoping actions were enough to convey her feelings. The kiss was delicate, softly even, and vastly different from the hungry, insatiable kisses shared not long ago. When their lips parted it was obvious he was not yet ready to be silent. That smug smile, both endearing and often exasperating to her, was dancing in his lips while mirth shone in his eyes.

"And you were even wearing my coat that night!"

"It's a very nice coat… kept me warm." She said, apparently nonchalant. While avoiding his eyes, she delicately caressed the skin of his chest with the tip of her fingers. She was not yet ready to admit that in the worse moments she clung to the things he had left behind. For many sleepless nights they had comforted her in his absence.

When she turned her eyes towards him the smug grin was gone, only a small appreciative smile curved his lips. Beyond the intimacy, she had greatly missed his smile. He kissed her again, this time the gentle touch was gone, he demanded passion. And passion he received. She pushed him back onto the mattress and allowed her body to cover his, while her hands roamed over his skin and their lips never parted. She did not need to put into words again how deeply she had missed him, how hurt she had been, or how glad she was that they were together again. That had all been said that night, all that remained was to let their bodies express everything else.

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 _If you reached this far, thank you for reading! Please review and let me know what you think._


	2. Life Uncommon

Title: Life Uncommon

Pairing: Jo / Alex

Rating: K

Episode: After Season 14

Note: In Episode 05 of Season 10, Jo tells Alex that she used to daydream about being taken to Boston Common by a made up version of a father. After Season 14 finale, it seemed a nice idea to explore. Enjoy!

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A light breeze brushed his face while the smell of fresh grass filled his nostrils. The sounds of children laughing and playing in the distance added to the peaceful feeling that enveloped him as he lay on the grass, his head on her lap, in the shade of a large tree. There was a gentle hand that traveled through his hair, tenderly caressing it, and lulling him into a state between sleep and awake.

Lately, moments like this for them were few and far between. He knew very well what he had signed for when, without hesitation, when he had declared to follow Jo anywhere she would go. Her Fellowship was an excruciating experience, but still, he watched her work relentlessly until complete exhaustion, thriving and enjoying it nonetheless. That and their absurd schedules would leave him missing her often and living for the moment when she would come home with an embrace and a smile reserved just for him.

With closed eyes, Alex sighed deeply and enjoyed the early spring day. However, the current peacefulness was every so often disturbed by her soft grunts. He did not mind too much, even found endearing, only until he felt the hand that mindlessly caressed his head coming to a complete stop.

He reluctantly opened one eye and was met with the sight of a sheet of paper that completely blocked the view of her face above him.

"What are you reading?" Alex asked tentatively. He could not see her face, but the force with which she held the side of the paper was a sure sign of distress.

"An article that argues the high probability of parents to raise their children as they were raised themselves, propagating the same behavior patterns. The author wrote a very compelling argument." She paused and let the papers down without looking at him. "It even has extensive statistical data!"

With a snort, he closed his eyes and went back to the previous position, with his head resting comfortably on her lap.

"Don't tell me you believe that." He simply said, fully expecting to be met with a laugh and a sarcastic remark from her as well.

Though, when none came, and silence stretched out between them, he immediately knew that article had stricken a nerve. That was a raw nerve, one he knew remained left in the open and hurting no matter how many times she casually brushed the subject aside, as if the absence of her parents was entirely negligible. He rose from his position and sat closer to her, noticing how her eyes were absently focusing far away into the distance.

"Hey, are you alright?" He asked softly only to be met with silence.

Jo vaguely noticed he had asked a question, but her brain had already taken her far away. Often as a child, she would make up versions of an ideal father that would take her to the very same park they were now, in the heart of Boston. Back then her mind would produce a myriad of scenarios; playing in the swing, being taken to feed the ducks near the lake, learning how to ride a bike... all the experiences she missed out on simply because she didn't have the presence of a father. Or a mother.

Her real life had paled in comparison to those dreams. Instead she learned how to steal cars and fend for herself at an early age. It made her tough, albeit with a constant feeling of distrust about the world. Even now, with years of experiences in between, she still wanted to cry just thinking about those daydreams and mourn the life she never had.

And now, that single article cruelly reminded her she did not have references of a parent to be one herself, let alone know if she would be a good one.

"Jo?"

Her name was being called insistently as she suddenly felt a hand hold onto one of hers tightly, pulling her out of that reverie.

"Yeah?" She turned to Alex abruptly, blinking a hint of tears from her eyes.

Alex repeated the question made earlier, this time with concern all over his voice. His lovely brown eyes were fixed on hers and the intensity of that stare, so worried, was enough for all her worries to come pouring out.

"How am I supposed to perpetuate a good parenting behavior if I never had it? I'm not repeating child abandonment, but that is all I know…" Jo said in exasperation. In contrast, he remained silent, listening patiently.

"I want children with you Alex, so much, but I don't know how to do it." Her voice cracked slightly, and her chin began to tremble.

Instead of answering he held her closely and rested his forehead against hers, waiting for the question that inevitably would come.

"Do you think I'll be a good mother?" She whispered so softly he had trouble listening.

"I know you will be a great mother, no doubt in my mind."

She sighed deeply. "How are you so sure about that? I have absolutely no references!"

"You don't have to. And I know who you are." He said placing a kiss on her forehead and looking directly at her again. "Even after all the crap life gave you, you still have abundant love to give back. You are kind and a natural caregiver. Those are the qualities of a good mother. And I've seen you with children, trust me, you'll be fine!"

When Jo did not answer and kept looking at him with a somewhat suspicious look, not yet convinced, Alex elaborated further and tentatively probed into his own insecurities.

"Look, if that article was true I would repeat my father's mistakes... and I know better than to do that." He shrugged. "I mean, I'm not sure how to be a good father, I didn't have the best role model, but I promise you I will try my best every day."

That statement made her heart beat faster since, even though she suspected it for a while, it was the very first time he voiced a lack of confidence about being a good father. Taken by his words, she allowed her arms to reach forward, pulling him closer.

"Oh Alex, I'm not worried about that at all, you will be an amazing father."

"You really think so?" The question was made so tentatively showing that he too had struggled to believe himself capable.

"I know so! You are incredible with children, and I can't wait to see you with ours." Her lips collided with his in a passionate kiss as she attempted to pour gratitude and love into it, letting him know by actions how much he had comforted her.

He pulled back, struggling a little for air. There was a large lopsided grin on his face, a completely contagious one that made her smile back at him.

"Then forget that article, it's a load of crap anyway. Let's just beat statistics and be the best parents ever."

While Jo nodded happily in silent agreement, he pulled her down with him into the fresh grass. With her body laid halfway on top of him, she burrowed her face into his neck, inhaling his scent deeply and finally feeling her mind and heart a little more at ease.

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Thank you for reading!


	3. Sick Love

Title: Sick Love

Pairing: Jo / Alex

Rating: K

Episode: Shortly after 13x14

Note: After their break up, Jo is still struggling between her brain and heart. This story digs deeper into Jo's state of mind shortly after their first case together, one that left her overwhelmed.

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The brush worked vigorously across her hands, the movements were rhythmic but forceful, so much that her fingers became painfully red. Jo welcomed the distraction, as the irritated skin shifted the focus away from the anxiety that built in the pit of her stomach. She looked across the window, into the operating room, and noticed he was ready, patiently waiting for her.

In the last few days Jo had begged, lied and traded favours just so she would not end up here so soon after their first case together in a long time. Their previous case, just a few days prior, was yet another test to her strength. Not only did she have to work with Alex again, but she had to go through the motions of a case that hit too close to home, while he was the only one there knowing how deeply it affected her. It had been entirely too much to handle, the unfairness of a kid that had to live with the kidney of his abusive father, and Alex's constant worried glances towards her. In the end she ended up losing her carefully composed self, becoming overwhelmingly sensitive.

Without the looming threat of jail for him or the sheer fear of being forced to tell the truth in court, Jo had worked hard to achieve a somewhat stable state of mind in the past few weeks. It had worked for a while, making her functional to a point that no one could tell how devastated she truly was inside, but it had all crumbled down in the span of a day. At the end of that case Jo ended up alone in the loft that was once their home, wavering between crying in frustration and wishing to run into his arms and unload months of sorrow, as she used to do.

But, as time flew by since their brutal separation the longing also became gradually unbearable, and it was becoming increasingly difficult to trust herself in his presence. Jo was not entirely sure if she was ready for it, but Alex was now fully reinstated, and she would be assisting him directly in surgery again.

She sighed deeply and walked into the operating room, positioning herself across from him. Alex simply nodded towards her and asked for a scalpel. As the blade ran smoothly across the skin, Jo saw small wrinkles appearing in the corners if his eyes. She could tell Alex was smiling behind the mask which confirmed he had missed his job immensely. It would be a little comfort to her if it weren't for the visible tension in his shoulders. He too was anxious in her presence.

Her back ached with hives, a side-effect of nerves, and an uncontrollable urge to scratch tingled in the tip of her fingers, but her hands never faltered. Their hands moved in silence, progressing further into the small body at the table. For a long stretch of time, the heart monitor was the only sound in the room, but Jo was sure her own heart beat the loudest.

After a while they unconsciously relaxed in each other's presence and found themselves seemingly suspended in time. In the hours they operated together, they were once again themselves, with no traumas of the past, no questions for the future, just the present and a deeply rooted trust in each other. Not for the first time she marvelled at how symbiotic they were in the OR. Barely no words were exchanged, but her tools followed his lead, anticipating every move.

Occasionally his eyes would turn to Jo, with a small wrinkle between them. Years of knowing Alex made Jo fluent at reading his expressions, even when his warm brown eyes were the only visible part. His eyes were filled with questions that did not dare to be said out loud. Up close, she noticed that dark circles had formed under his eyes as well. Jo wondered if he too was having a hard time sleeping, now that she was not there to run a hand through his hair and calm Alex into sleep whenever he was troubled.

In the end it was the rustle of the finishing arrangements and the rest of the surgical team preparing to leave that burst the peaceful bubble they had been immersed in. And just like that, the anxious feeling was back in her stomach and his shoulders tensed again. After a short grateful nod, Jo stepped aside and walked back towards the scrub room, shedding the surgical clothes along the way.

There, with a few feet of distance between them, she gripped the edge of the sink until her knuckles turned white. Shortly after, she watched him walk into the room with purpose and realised it was getting harder to avoid him while dragging an aching heart though the hallways of the hospital. And from the longing look in his eyes, Alex was aching just as much.

Every night she tossed and turned, alone in bed, trying to reconcile the man she loved with the volatile one that could so easily have killed her friend. In that horrible day they had seemed to be one and the same, and that was why Jo still struggled with a constant fight between her brain and heart.

Her unfaltering reason, the one that had taken Jo thus far in life, told her to run away from what could be another trigger for a lifetime of misery. Every day she tried hard to forget those horrible images of violence that seemed engraved in her mind. But then again, her heart knew better than that. She had known Alex for years, he was temperamental and often acted without thinking of consequences, but fundamentally he was a good man, loving and kind, albeit with a terrible sense of control. Conciliating such an ambiguous character was preventing Jo from much needed sleep and her stomach could barely keep any food nowadays.

Alex approached her, determined to speak, but before he could utter a word her breading became shallow and beads of sweat formed in her temples. All the while her peripheral vision decreased significantly with each loud beat of her heart. It was deafening. Jo had no time to fully diagnose herself because when his hand touched her shoulder, she turned abruptly, and her world spun fast. There was blue all over her vision and she realised Alex had caught her mid faint to the ground. He held her body close with a grip that spoke volumes of his worry.

Echoes of her name reached her ears, but Jo could not find the strength to answer his frantic calls. At their own volition, Jo's arms circled his shoulders and her nails dug deep into his dark blue scrubs, most likely leaving dents in the skin of his back. Her face rested against his neck and she inhaled deeply. That was a mistake. Her brain filled with his familiar scent, which assaulted Jo with flashes of their skin against one another between the sheets and the kisses she used to place on that same spot. It took a while for her heart to stop racing and the scent of what were now sad memories to dissipate.

There was no question that Jo was still deeply in love with him, but in time she would have to solve the fight between brain and heart somehow. Meanwhile, if she was to keep some semblance of sanity, she would have to find a way to be immune to him.

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Thank you for reading and please review!


	4. Sensory Memory

**Title:** Sensory memory

 **Pairing:** ( Jo / Alex ) + Meredith

 **Rating:** T (very mildly)

 **Episode:** Sometime between 14x02 and 14x03.

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The sun was not yet out, but the pale-yellow glow of dawn projected shadows within the loft. Alex felt familiar skin, warm and smooth, move slowly against him and for a brief second did not dare to open his eyes, fearing it might be another dream. The feeling seemed new after many months of sleeping alone, but at the same time it was a familiar sensation that could never be erased from his memory. All those lonely nights had been unbearable, frequently dreaming about her only to have those images vanish with the morning light. And the days were even worse, for there she was real but permanently out of reach. But now, with his chest pressed against her bare back, the lonely memories seemed to vanish, and only the simple pleasure of being together remained.

He opened his eyes to be greeted by soft curls of hair. Alex had missed everything about her, like a throbbing ache in his chest that refused to subside. Jo was not awake; her breathing had a regular cadence and her heartbeat was steady. He smiled to himself and relished in the opportunity to observe her. She was slightly turned away from him, but Alex could see that the wrinkle she often had between the eyes was smoothed, her eyelashes brushed against her high cheeks and the small freckles on the bridge of her nose seemed to glow in the dim light of the room. But what surprised him the most was the small smile on her lips. He knew Jo had trouble sleeping ever since he left, but now she seemed at ease. He could certainly appreciate that she finally felt entirely safe to let her guard down, even unconsciously. That kind of peace made him feel at ease as well, for he too had slept peacefully and sated, albeit for what felt like only a couple of hours.

Alex kissed her shoulder tenderly, letting his lips linger against the skin. All the while her scent enveloped him, producing shockwaves of pleasure through his body, despite the lingering exhaustion. With the arm that was wrapped around her waist he instinctively pulled her closer and his hand slowly slid from her chest, all the way down the stomach and between her legs. Jo moaned something akin to his name under her breath, but otherwise remained still.

He chuckled, moving closer, and in that moment a set of red numbers glowed angrily in his peripheral vision. With a muffled groan Alex noticed that there were only a few minutes left before he had to leave. Now that he was finally there, it was getting increasingly difficult to leave their bed. _Her bed_ , Alex corrected himself silently. Only a few days had passed since they got back together, and he still did not know where he stood in the ownership of said bed.

The numbers were relentless on the alarm clock. Sighing in defeat, Alex made slow and precise movements to pull his left arm from underneath her head and disentangle his body from hers without disturbance. But as soon as he did so, Jo rolled fully towards him, with heavy eyelids, and seeking his warmth once more.

"Where are you going so soon?" She asked with a raspy voice.

"I have an early surgery, remember? And I still need to grab my bag at the house." He whispered tenderly while watching her trying to bury her face in the space between his neck and shoulder, making it harder for him to leave. "I'll see you later, ok?"

"Hmhmm" Was the most eloquent response Jo could produce that early.

Fighting bravely against sleep, she faintly registered him placing a tender kiss on her forehead and leaving the bed to make his way towards the bathroom. Jo watched him leave, his muscles flexing beneath bare skin with every movement. Sighing happily, she turned around and went back to sleep, lulled by the scent that Alex had left among the sheets.

He turned the shower on and absently minded reached for his shower gel in the shelf only to find empty space. There was pain in his chest when he remembered that none of his personal effects were there anymore. Still, Alex noticed that her bottles had stayed strictly in one side of the shelf, not occupying the side he left empty months ago, as if somehow, she still reserved that space for him. With a sad sigh, he reached for one of her shower gels and squeezed some of the red liquid into his hand. He looked one last time towards the empty shelf space and hoped to soon enough fill the spaces he had left empty around the loft.

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Alex opened the door to the house carefully and silently walked towards the kitchen. It was imperative that no sound was made to wake the other residents of the house or a storm of questions would assault him, and he rather keep his whereabouts private for the moment. He reached for a mug and filled it with much needed coffee. A sudden yawn morphed into a grin as he remembered the night before and the cause of the unrestrained yawns. With eyes closed, he relieved her touch, which he still felt, while sipping the bitter drink. The moment stretched languidly in time until a voice interrupted the peaceful thoughts and nearly made him spit the coffee.

"You're up early." Meredith said with a sleep laced voice while entering the kitchen.

"Yeah." He said sharply, resuming drinking the coffee.

There was silence for a moment, but Alex knew it would not last long before Meredith would start bombarding him with some sort of personal affliction, and he took the opportunity to race out of the kitchen mumbling an excuse.

"What is this smell?" She asked.

The question made him stop on the spot. Alex heard her inhale sharply repeatedly as she moved towards him and practically shoved her nose in his chest.

"Oh, it's you! Why do you smell like wild berries?" There was a wrinkle of confusion between her eyes as she continued to sniffle him.

"What? Stop doing that!" He said grumpily and moved away from her prying nose.

"What have you been doing, Alex?" She said, still invading his personal space and looking at him with curious blue eyes.

"I showered!" He mumbled quickly and once more attempted to reach the stairs only to be stopped by her walking closer to him again.

An inelegant snort escaped her lips. "Not here for sure. I didn't hear any of the showers running this morning."

When he did not answer and only grumbled loudly, she persisted.

"But I know that scent from somewhere..." The words lost their initial rhythm midway through the sentence as she tried to understand what her senses were telling her.

Tired of the conversation already, Alex looked directly at her and suggestively wiggled his eyebrows before walking triumphantly upstairs to grab the bag before going to work. He left behind a very confused Meredith standing in the middle of the living room, searching her brain for an answer that seemed out of her grasp.

A few seconds later he heard her gasp loudly, apparently having reached a conclusion to her own question. He could hear her yelling for him to return and explain himself, which only made him walk faster towards his current bedroom. Alex moved an arm towards his face, inhaled deeply, and a lopsided grin formed in his lips. He smelled just like Jo.

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Thank you for reading. Please review, feedback is fuel to imagination!


	5. The passage of time

**Title:** The passage of time

 **Pairing:** Jo / Alex (+ mentions of Mrs. Schmidt)

 **Rating:** K

 **Timeline:** Anywhere from season 15 onward

 **Note:** This story would not leave me alone! So please enjoy and give some feeback.

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When the lights finally turned on she found herself alone at the loft, as expected, since Alex would only arrive much later that night. The prospect of solitude did not bother her this time, for her muscles ached so badly that all she desired was to fall flat on the bed and slip into a dreamless sleep. Jo moved towards the kitchen table and dropped her purse unceremoniously on it. A gleam caught the corner of her eye and Jo pulled her wrist closer to inspect it. There was a sudden gasp cutting through the silence in the loft as she saw that the face of her watch was cracked in half, and the hands had stopped moving altogether. She remembered hitting her wrist earlier against one of the hospital beds, and yet had not realized then it had been forceful enough to cause damage. Her fingers brushed softly against the broken glass and it immediately made her remember that one person that had shown Jo some semblance of motherly love, the one that had given her such precious gift. Mrs. Schmidt. The thought of her favorite teacher brought a small smile to her face, despite the sight of the broken watch.

Mrs. Schmidt had been a relentlessly kind and caring presence in the hardest of times, and those had been plenty ever since she started living in a car. Even still, her teacher had particularly been there at times when she thought no one would. Jo remembered graduation day, after years of gruelling study to have a real shot at a better life. That day she had been surrounded by her peers with families cheering so loud it was deafening to her ears. And among all that noise, no one seemed to call her name. No one cheered for Brooke. Hives had settled across her back beneath the short black dress she had bought to look presentable, and anxiety had built in the pit of her stomach as she took each deliberate step to accept the diploma. It was then that, among the commotion, her name came loud and clear. And when she looked towards the crowd and saw her, Mrs. Schmidt, with a wide smile and enthusiastically cheering her on, all she could do was smile even wider. Many years had passed since that moment, but she still remembered her throat constricting with the urge to cry, and the pure sensation of not being alone in the world.

A few years later, there was Mrs. Schmidt, sitting across from her while pouring two steamy cups of mint tea. If the nerves had not been taking over her entire body in that moment, she might have been tempted to smile and finally say, after all those years, that she does not like tea. Nonetheless, she would always entertain a cup just for the sake of her favorite teacher. She fidgeted in her seat, constantly looking over her shoulder towards the window. Even then, days after she had left her husband, and with a few miles between them, she felt he was not that far behind yet. She felt that at any moment he would caught up with her to finish what he had started that night when he beat her close to death. That had finally been the catalyst to make her realize that the love for her own life should surpass the love she felt for him.

Since she did not know what else to do, running away had seemed the most viable option. And run she did, as fast as she could. Her body was still painfully bruised with a myriad of reds, blues and purples, and the broken ribs were still healing, but she found solace again in the same place she always had, Mrs. Schmidt's home. Outside the house, her car had been once more packed full with her meager belongings. Unconsciously, she never allowed herself to accumulate unnecessary stuff, as if she instinctively knew that at any given time she would have to be ready to pack her life and run away. The unfortunate part was that since she married she had thought those days were far behind.

Her former teacher's house had been the last stop before she left that illusion of a happy life behind. She did not have the courage yet, nor the emotional energy, to tell Mrs. Schmidt she had changed her name. Josephine Wilson, she had chosen. So, while picking at her nails, she resorted to minimal explanations about her decision, but instead elaborated more on moving to Seattle, alone, for an intern job. Her dream job was just across the country, with as many miles between her and _him_ that she could possibly afford without completely losing the focus on her personal goals. There had been no surprise in Mrs. Schmidt's face, as if somehow, she had been expecting all along for her former student to finally realize what she had been warning her about. At that table, separated by two cups of tea, she had then lowered her head in shame, even though she knew better not to carry the guilt. With a strong squeeze of her hands and no further questions, Mrs. Schmidt left the table only to return a few minutes later.

All of a sudden, a small box, wrapped in the loveliest paper she had ever seen, was trusted onto her hands. Mrs. Schmidt looked at her expectantly, smiling brightly. She had barely any experience in receiving gifts and all she had wanted to do was to look at the perfect wrapping paper, bright red, and appreciate the gold string delicately enveloping it. It seemed already enough.

"Well, open it." Mrs. Schmidt had said as an incentive.

Hesitantly, she pulled the bow with precise movements, one string at a time for fear of tearing the paper. When she opened the box, the item inside immediately caught the light of the mid-day sun that rushed through the window. Inside the box was what looked like a very expensive watch. For a while her mouth opened and closed, but no words came out. None had occurred to her.

"Ever since you called to tell me about the job, I have been thinking you might need it as a new intern." Mrs. Schmidt offered against her shocked silence. "Doctors always need to measure the passage of time."

"This is too much Mrs. Schmidt. I can't accept it!"

"Of course you can! Besides, you could use some help to keep yourself running on time..." It had unexpectedly made her laugh a little at the obvious tease on her constant battle to always be on time and often failing miserably.

"It looks so expensive..." She had whispered, not quite capable of taking her eyes from the marvelous object in her hands.

"Don't worry about it." Mrs. Schmidt had said, casually ending the argument. Mrs. Schmidt took the watch out of the box then and closed it safely around her right wrist.

She had turned the wrist slowly, admiring the way in which the light reflected on the silver bracelet and the soft ticking cadence of time.

Shortly after, Mrs. Schmidt had pulled her into a tight embrace, making her breath hitch with the flare of pain that spread across her bruised body. Nonetheless, the tears that burst out of her eyes and fell freely onto her cheeks were not produced by physical agony, but from a deep emotional pain, one she had refused to dwell in up until that moment. She wrapped her arms around Mrs. Schmidt as well, allowing herself go get soaked in the pride that her former teacher exuded towards her in that hug. Those still remained the closest to a mother's warm embrace she ever had. She embraced Mrs. Schmidt just as tightly, relying on the overwhelming sensation that she would not come back for a while, maybe ever.

Jo sighed softly at the memories and turned the wrist slowly, admiring the way in which the light still reflected on the silver bracelet, but otherwise the watch remained silent. That watch had gone through hell and back with her, always being a comforting reminder that there was someone in that vast, cruel world, that truly cared for her. It was slightly scratched around the edges, much like her, but had remained resilient through the ups and downs of her life. Now the watch was broken and silent, and Jo was not sure if there would be a way to salvage it.

The silence was starting to bother her, so Jo took the watch off her wrist and laid it carefully on the table. With a sad sigh she brushed her fingers one last time through the glass. The watch was attached to deeply rooted memories and a heavy pain settled on her chest at the thought of letting it go, not having that constant comfort of Mrs. Schmidt anymore.

Jo brushed the beginning of tears from her eyes and with a long, defeated sigh, turned away and crawled onto bed, already too exhausted to fight sleep any longer.

The next morning, she busied herself around the loft, preparing for another long day of work. Her routine was often the same, shower, clothes, breakfast, large cup of coffee, and right before stepping out of the loft, putting on her watch. Absentminded, Jo reached for the watch she had left at the table the previous night. However, her hand touched only the wood surface. Jo was sure she had left it there, but perhaps Alex had moved it away before leaving for the hospital himself earlier. Already feeling she was running late, but without having the means to measure it, Jo reluctantly left the loft. All day her hand kept traveling towards the wrist to fiddle with a watch that was not there. After years of that constant presence, she felt somewhat vulnerable without it.

Two days later, Alex came home to a very chaotic loft. There were pillows across the floor, books and clothes were scattered everywhere and among the mess he found Jo on her knees, cheek glued to the floor peeking below the couch. From where he stood Alex could distinctly hear Jo mumbling closer and closer to the edge of frustration.

"What are you doing?" His deep voice suddenly disrupted her thoughts.

She jumped in fright and immediately hit her head in the end table closer to the couch. "I'm trying to find my watch." She said with a frown on her face while rubbing the side of her head. "I could swear I left it on the table about two nights ago."

Jo turned towards him, but otherwise remained sitting on the floor among the scattered pieces of their life together, looking as lost as her watch.

"It stopped working..." Jo said in a small voice with a hint of tears in those clear brown eyes that were piercing through his own.

"I know." Alex said gently as he stepped closer to her. He bent slightly and offered his hand, which she took immediately to stand up.

"How do you know that?" Jo directed her irritation towards him in spite of knowing that it was an illogical reaction because he was merely caught in the aftermath of what looked like a riot through the loft.

Not wanting to prolong her anxiety, and neither shorten his life span, Alex reached to the front pocket of his jeans and pulled out the watch. He dangled it in front of him, and even though Alex was still a few steps away, Jo could already hear the familiar sound.

"I saw it on the table when I came home the other night, and since it was broken I took it with me the next morning. It took me a while to find someone willing to fix this particular kind of watch, but I think it is working pretty well again." There was a tentative smile on his lips and if he did not know she was already on edge, Alex would have laughed at her stunned attempt to produce words that were too stubborn to come out.

While Jo was too busy looking at him in amazement, Alex wrapped the bracelet safely around her right wrist, the rightful place of the watch. As soon as he did so, she flew forward and collided with his chest. Her arms encircled him while her nails dug into the fabric of his shirt. Jo hid her face in that spot of his neck she loved so much and inhaled him deeply, soaking his shirt with tears.

"Thank you." She simply said, softly.

Not many people in her life had shown her kindness, and to this day Jo still found herself amazed that people were willing to show love towards her. And with that simple gesture, he was able to calm her mind and remind her again that she was not alone in the world.

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Thank you very much for reading!


	6. With the heart outside my chest

Title: With the heart outside my chest  
Pairing: Jo / Alex  
Rating: K  
Episode: Anywhere from season 15 onward

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Her bare feet padded across the wood floors, moving lightly until she finally reached the bed. Jo climbed slowly onto it with the smell of fresh sheets beckoning her tired body. She sat on the bed, stretching her legs and adjusting the pillows on her back. Even though she felt drained, sleep eluded her still as an almost imperceptible flutter moved around her body.

Silence settled around the lonely bedroom, making her unusually anxious even though she was not alone. She shifted in bed again, searching for a comfortable position, and silently urged Alex to arrive home. Jo had not seen him for the better part of the day, not since she yelled at him for patients and colleagues alike to witness. The light flutter became a sudden kick, strong and deadly accurate on the ribs, as if the small life she carried within was somehow admonishing Jo for the poor treatment she gave her husband.

"I know, sweetheart." She murmured while lovingly caressing her swollen stomach. "He will be home soon".

The perks of them working at the same hospital meant that she could see Alex as frequently as she pleased. Jo had a list of excuses, carefully designed to avoid suspicion, that would be used when the urge to see him could be felt on the tip of her fingers. His presence always had a soothing effect on her, but lately he was everywhere at once it seemed, no excuses required.

At first it was endearing, for he had always been protective of her and it was only natural that such instinct had grown when she became pregnant, up to a point where his heart was constantly exposed.

Nearly every morning had been punctuated with a long car ride, which traffic made further unbearable, with plenty of time for all the advice that Alex stubbornly prescribed to last her through the day. Eat healthy, frequently and on schedule, he would say. Hydration and rest are a priority. She did love him, more than she might ever be able to eloquently put into words, but in those moments, she tried hard to summon some semblance of patience. Then, Jo would often reach across the car to place a stream of kisses on his cheek, before a few unchecked words could leave her lips. He would smile brightly then, but that slight wrinkle of worry, which had settled on his brow ever since she told him that he was going to be a father, would not fade away.

Early on, the pocket of her lab coat started to collect an assortment of food, which would somehow find its way there every time Alex crossed her path. And he did find her on the hallways frequently, and suspiciously 'by chance'. She even found herself once or twice grumbling under her breath in front of patients at the embarrassment of reaching inside the pocket for a pen only to pull out a cereal bar instead. Jo would often tell him, half-heartedly, how annoying it was, when in reality there was always a sense of comfort that rushed through her body at finding the little snacks, and that would always make her smile.

Yet, as time passed and as her body changed with it, his protectiveness had escalated exponentially. Jo had known for a while that it was only a matter of time before all the pent-up frustration came pouring out of her without any filter or mercy. In the past couple of months, it felt as if she was walking around with twice the shadows she was supposed to.

Today he had been right there at the gallery, looking down at the OR and reporting loud and clear through the intercom that she had been standing on her feet for far too long already. Jo had grumbled under the mask then and a faint red color had blossomed on her cheeks in embarrassment. Even Meredith, standing on the other side of the person whose life they were trying to save, had raised her eyebrows so high they nearly touched the surgical cap. There was an unmistakable smirk underneath the mask, but otherwise Meredith remained silent.

"I'm fine, Alex!" Jo all but yelled, clearly on edge. In fact, she could feel her ankles starting to swell and she was on the verge of exhaustion after a full morning of rounds and nearly six hours in surgery, but she would not give him the pleasure of being right and further enable his overprotective behavior. "We're nearly finished here." She said and watched him leave the gallery muttering to himself.

But the turning point came when he popped out of nowhere at the nurses' station as she updated charts, yanked that one coffee allowed from her own thirsty lips, and exchanged it for a water bottle, bland and obviously lacking caffeine. Alex had then elaborated on the need to stay hydrated, but his voice gradually faded away as she felt herself snap.

"Enough, Alex! Stop following me around with food and water and a freaking schedule to rest." She yelled and everything stood still around them. "I am perfectly capable of doing my job, taking care of myself and our baby, all at the same time!"

There were wide eyes across the hall from the unwilling spectators.

"I love you, truly I do, but stop micromanaging my life." Jo grabbed the coffee back from his hand and walked away, far from the judging eyes, leaving him dumbfounded in the middle of the hall. The rest of the day had gone without incidents, she had not seen Alex again, and the pocket of her lab coat remained sadly empty.

The footsteps on the stairs brought her back from the memories of that long day, and Jo pressed a hand to her stomach instinctively, both of them anticipating his arrival.

"Are you still mad at me?" He asked shyly, leaning on the door frame.

Jo stared at him but quickly realized that at least he had the decency of feeling somewhat guilty with his behavior. The lines of exhaustion were firmly hatched at the corners of his eyes and they were made heavier from missing her.

"No, Alex, I'm not mad at you. Just a little annoyed." She said with a small hint of a smile while pulling the covers on his side of the bed, urging him to join her.

He changed clothes and climbed to the bed as well. Alex sat as close as possible, pulling her towards his chest and enveloping her smaller frame with his arm. After battling with the pillows earlier, she had finally found a comfortable position as her body molded to his with uncanny easiness, and she rested her head on his shoulder.

"It was too much, huh?" He finally spoke. "I'm so sorry, Jo."

"I love that you worry about me, about us," Jo said as she pulled his hand and placed it above her stomach where the sudden movement was, "but please believe that I would never put our baby at risk."

He jumped slightly forward looking alarmed at her. "I didn't mean to make you feel like you are doing something wrong! Jo, you are already such a wonderful mother and she is not even born yet."  
"It's just…" He went on as his body relaxed against her again. "I could not bear if anything happened to either of you. So, I worry, always."

From the place on his shoulder she could not see his face, but from the way in which the words caught in his throat she could guess that he was trying hard not to let too much of his emotions out.

"Oh Alex, we are fine." She whispered close to his neck and dropped a reassuring kiss behind his ear.

"I feel so powerless Jo, like an outsider all the time." His hand never left her round belly, and underneath his hand was a steady languid movement as their daughter moved safely around the warmth of her mother's womb. It never ceased to amaze him.

"What do you mean an outsider?" This time she moved away from Alex in order to look him directly in the eyes.

He felt slightly embarrassed for saying it out loud. "You sensed her long before I could even feel her through your skin. She knows your voice and your heartbeat is her lullaby. You are never alone now." He said tenderly while caressing the skin of her belly. "But I can only feel her if I place my hand on your skin, and when I talk to your belly I hope that she recognises my voice too. And I can only try to protect you both as best as I can from the outside."

His voice was barely a whisper, but so full of tenderness that she could not help the tears that formed in the corners of her eyes.

"Alex, when she is agitated and I can't sleep, you talk to her and she calms down immediately." Jo started, reaching a hand to caress his cheek. "You place your hand on my belly and she moves towards you. When you arrive after a long shift and come through the door calling my name, I feel her jump as if excited that you are finally home."

She kissed his lips delicately before going on. "Our daughter has not yet seen the first light of day and she already loves you. It makes me think that you are neither powerless, nor an outsider at all."

He seemed quite surprised with her words, as if he had not yet realized the impact he already had on his daughter. And the amazement she saw in his face made her heart flutter.

There was a smile on his lips and his eyes were now clear as some of the fear he carried within subsided. Jo knew well enough that such kind of worry, the kind only a parent experiences, would never completely go way for as long as he lived. But for now, at least, she felt him relax further into their soft bed, cradling her body closer to him and indulging in the knowledge that they were both safely in his arms.

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Thank you for reading!


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